Top 9 Engineering Jokes

Time for a little levity you can share with your colleagues and clients –

  1. Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,”Where did you get such a great bike?”
    The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
    The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
  2. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
    One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
    Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”
    The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
  3. How can you tell if an engineer’s an extrovert?  When he’s talking with you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
  4. There are 10 different kinds of people. Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
  5. A wife asks her husband, a traffic engineer…  “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.”
  6. Why did the engineer cross the road? Because that’s what they did last year.
  7. An engineer is a fellow that takes a measurement with a micrometer, marks it with a crayon, and cuts it with an axe.
  8. Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them. Pascal is nowhere to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side. Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!” Newton says “No no, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”
  9. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
    The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field.”
    “You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
    “I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
    “Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information.
    “The man below says, “You must be a planner.”
    “I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
    “Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going, and you have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

Any good engineering jokes out there I missed?

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One thought on “Top 9 Engineering Jokes

  1. An engineer, a salesman and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them, sighs and asks, “What is this, a joke?”

    There is an alternate version of #9:

    A helicopter pilot is lost in dense fog somewhere near Seattle. Finally, sees a patch of grass through a break in the mist, and lands. A man walks up, so he asks “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago , but I don’t know where I am.”

    The man on the ground says: “Yes. You are in a helicopter on a lawn.

    The pilot says, “Ah – hah!” He pulls out his chart, plots a point, and draws an azimuth, and starts firing up the engine.

    Astounded, the man on the ground says, “How did you know where you are? Everything I told you was technically correct, but absolutely useless.”

    “Exactly,” says the pilot, “That’s how I figured out I’m in Redmond. You work for Microsoft Tech Support, don’t you?”